Where are we going and why are we in this basket?

Wow, the sun is out and it has done nothing to improve my mood. Here's what set me off today, with all the history you need to know thrown in for good measure.

Popcorn is its own food group. Let's call it the butter-fibre-salt food group. It's the best snack/meal out there. When I started my current job a few years ago and was too busy too think about anything not related to getting ready for the next day, popcorn was dinner four out of five weekdays. The fifth day was spent in a restaurant.

Even before I started this job, I ate popcorn five days out of every seven. I think I like popcorn. My father bought a Felknor's Theater popcorn popper when he saw the ad in Time magazine. He rarely jumped at stuff like that and his gadget gene is not as apparent in him as it is in me (recessive versus dominant gene perhaps?) but this popper is hands-down one of the best things he has ever bought. I don't know what motivated him (it's gadgeti-ness? it's shininess? it's presence in Time back when Time was respectable?) to buy it but I'm glad he did. As I type this, I am also very happy to know that the very popper I speak of is sitting down on my stovetop at this very moment. I estimate I have made 2600 batches of popcorn in that popper over the past 10 years.

I rave about that popper. I tell all my popcorn-eatin' friends to get one. I proselytize the Felknor popper name. My biggest regret is giving a second one away that someone had given me. Why did I need two? I had one and it's so good I was sure I'd be able to get one in the future.

I couldn't be more wrong. A friend of mine just bought a Whirley Pop stovetop popper. It is the same theory as Felknor's Theatre popper but I see flaws in the design. Mainly, it falls apart when you tip it over to pour the popcorn out. Yes, falling apart is a design flaw. Rather than the top being held on to the pot in a tongue-in-groove way, the top is "theoretically" held on by bent tabs gripping the sides of the pot. Hey kids! Who remembers high school geometry? The diameter is the widest part of the circle, right? If those tabs try to grip the pot anywhere else, the grip won't be as tight and the top is going to come off and the popcorn is going all over the floor. And the pot is just heavy enough that it will slide forward when you tip to pour. I see disaster ahead unless you get creative with hands in oven mitts balancing and pouring.

And the recourse we consumer's have to practice a little market correction and send this poor design back to the drawing board is -- absolutely no options whatsoever. It turns out that Whirley Pop bought out Felknor years ago and the better design is no longer available. VHS versus Beta anyone? Blue-Ray versus HD? This totally sucks. The better pot was bought out and sent to the showers. Now if my pot poops out, it can't be replaced with a similar item or an item of similar quality.

I hate built in obsolesence and I hate it when this type of phony competition helps schlocky stuff rise to the top of the heap. You're better than me? How about I give you some money so you'll go away? I'll own the rights to your name so you can't be manufactured ever again and people can't compare my poor design to your way better design because you don't exist anymore.

I'm going to make some popcorn and really, really enjoy it. Now more than ever before.