A tale of two service automotons

What follows is true, only the names have been changed to protect the identities of the victims and their families, even though we laughed with them long after the events occurred and the frustration dissipated.

In this age of circuitous touch-tone phone options all designed to keep consumers from talking to a real live carbon-unit and humanoid-type automotons trained to keep you talking in circles until you surrender your dignity and hang up the phone, we bring you these stories of success!! Not tall tales of Davids slaying Goliaths but real accounts of John and Jane Does going toe-to-toe with The Man and emerging victorious. For those of you just looking to avoid corporate phone mazes, check out the Gethuman Database.


Account One: Keep asking the question

While planning a trip to Europe for two adults and their two children, our heroine whom we'll call Heroine, bought the airline tickets online. The price included a $50 discount per child. However, when the bill arrived, the discount was not there. A phone call to the airline ensued. Because ticket prices change more often than some people's socks, the airline drone was unable to find the online deal that matched the discounted price. A battle of wills ensued. Heroine was not going away until the $50 x 2 was refunded and the drone had entered the default programming loop that would normally wear down the ripped-off customer until he or she hangs up.

Heroine handed the phone off to Mr. Heroine who had a very simple and affective strategy: ask one question over and over.
Mr. H: I would like to speak to your supervisor.
Drone: That's not possible.
Mr. H: Oh, are you the CEO?

As Mr. Heroine slowly navigated his way up the food chain, Heroine went online and found the Board of Directors for the airline. She then whipped off an email to one of the board members explaining very calmly and completely the situation and still-ongoing lack of resolution. Before the electrons from the message had even cooled, Heroine's cell phone rang. The board member on the other end of the line said she would take care of the problem and the discounted prices would be honored.

Take that, customer service drone!


Account Two: Dial 'S' for Someone Important

Our heroine, whom we'll call College Mom, purchased a small fridge for her college-bound offspring's dorm room. It was a well-known name brand and included the feature that the door could be hinged on either side to open from either left-to-right or right-to-left. This design hinges on, no pun intended, a small plastic piece that was missing from the box or broken (the author apologizes for blurry facts). A call to the fridge manufacturer ensued, as you knew it would.

Pseudo-resolution: "We'll take care of that right away," said the drone. After sending in copies of the receipt, the UPC from the box, the serial number of the fridge, and tidal charts from the day it was purchased, a replacement part was sent—for a different model! When College Mom called the company again, she was told a part could not be sent out because a part was already sent once before.

Because a fridge to match the part was not forthcoming, College Mom decided to talk to someone who actually had some power: the president of the company. Now, his number was not out there for just any joe-schmoe to call but she realized it had to be in the company phone maze somewhere, right? So, she called the company back and when the computer suggested that she could type in the letters of the name of whom she wanted to reach, she started spelling out common names. After a few tries of Jones and White and Smith, a very helpful voice responded...

Helpful Voice: Yes, this is _________ .
College Mom: Oh, I'm sorry. I was trying to reach the president.
HV: Oh, just a moment. I'll put you right through.
pause
pause
President: This is Bob. (not really named Bob)
CM: Are you really the president?
Bob: Yes, ma'am.

She then told her whole story and concluded with something along the lines of: The part must only cost like 25-cents.
Bob: Actually, it only costs 2-cents.

Needless to say, she got her part.

It should not have to be so hard.