Take a number for faster service

Here's the solution to those times you find yourself trapped in frustrating jabber gridlock.

Scenario: you're amongst very effervescent chatterers or those poor souls who—unbeknownst to only themselves—suffer from diarrhea of the mouth (or possibly both types at once) and you have a comment/joke/literary or historical reference/oral footnote to share. How do you simultaneously wait your turn and tell everyone that you are waiting your turn? Use a conversation queue. My sources in the know tell me that this could be the "next big thing" so let the record show that I am officially virtually registering the following terms as trademarked: Conversation Queue, Qonversation Queue, and Conversation Cue. (I'll settle on the one that looks best in a logo.)

Here's how it works: Person A is talking: " ... blah blah blah ... " and Person B is reminded of that time at band camp and wants to mention it but doesn't want to disrupt A's verbal mojo. So instead of rudely talking over A or whispering to C while A still has the attention of D, E, and F, B softly interjects with "I'm in the queue." It is then understood that when A's commentary on the social, environmental, and hygienic benefits of non-bleached 2-ply made from 80% recycled materials versus commercially mass-produced, chemically fortified and possibly old-growth 1-ply is concluded and follow-up comments addressed, it is B's turn to talk.

Perhaps the verbal taking of a number is augmented with a physical element as well. It works for Captain Picard, does it not? Commander Data, second star to the right and straight on 'til morning. Warp factor 8. ... a little wave of the hand and ... Engage! The most powerful ship in the fleet never moves until he waves his hand, does it? The Devil in Prada also has a gesture, although hers is more like flicking crumbs to the floor rather than Picard's pointing towards a bullseye. Just saying That's all does not dismiss an underling as completely as when the words are accompanied by a snk snk wafture of the fingers. But I digress.

The point here is that the proper use of the queue can help a large group maintain its collective sanity and give everyone an opportunity to contribute. It's so much better than standing there with a drink in one hand and your other hand raised over your head while the blood drains out of your arm as you wait for your turn—and you don't look nearly as dorky.

Some (un)Official Rules to get the ball rolling (one must define what one is trademarking, eh?):

a. The speaker may get behind her/himself in line if the current thread reminds her/him of an additional thread.

b. A single individual may not stand behind her/himself more than one additional concurrent place in line. The idea is to let someone else have a turn at the mic, folks.

c. The group must decide on queue order discrepancies. No cutting. Cheaters to the back of the line.

d. Comments related to current thread need not be queued. We're not trying to stifle discourse here, people, just rein in s/he who blathers.

Go forth and chat, kids. And mind your peace and queues.