Well, I didn't see that coming

So there I was, minding my own business and listening to Chickeman protect Midland City from crime and/or evil while sharpening the lawnmower with—get this—a paintbrush when all of the sudden the lawn was mowed.

One moment the lawn looked both a little scraggly around the brown spots where I got a little too exuberant while spraying vinegar on the weeds and a little thick in the lush spots where the two elements sun and water come together in a phrenzy of photosynthesis. The next moment, passersby witnessed a green ducktail of finely sliced foliage sailing through the air.

I had no plans to mow the lawn this evening. I only wanted to try out the sharpening kit which included—get this—a paintbrush. It worked really swell. So swell that after I sliced through the strips of newspaper along the entire length of the blade, I wanted to see how it would do in the grass and the next thing I knew, the entire lawn was mowed. What had been taking up to 90 minutes or so due to the necessity of having to pass over the entire lawn twice took only 30 minutes or so. I think I only got through two Chickenman adventures and, due to his crime-fighting prowess, the stories are brief. So was the mowing.

The sharpening process is quite bizarre. It involves—get this—painting a minty-fresh metallic blue compound onto the blade and spinning the blades backwards. Then you wipe off the once-blue now-gray goo, protect said blades with WD-40 and you're ready to roll. I tweaked the adjustment of the only thing I can adjust just a bit when I found there was a spot where the newspaper could slide through unscathed rather than get sliced into a ribbon and I hit the lawn.

As with all gadgets I am enamored with, this finely tuned lawnmower now needs a name. And since I just watched Blade Runner: Final Cut the other night, this naming ceremony will be easy. So easy, in fact, it is done already. It is also relevant, me thinks, that this is a reel mower. Therefore, the lawnmower shall henceforth be known as The Non-Electric Sheep.